I can see it twinkling. A glimmer, a slight ray of sunshine, making an appearance at the end of a very long and dark tunnel.
We’re nearing the start of November, entering the home stretch until 2018 is over. I’m glad, relieved, excited, sad and amazed that I’ve been able to survive this year — a year of loss, and simultaneously a year of growth.
I’ve been working on two feelings and personal goals that I want to embody. These stem from the rumination phase of Post Traumatic Growth. I’ve self diagnosed myself with PTG. It may be early, and I am not a doctor, but it is intriguing and fascinating to celebrate the ways people grow.
Post Traumatic Growth studies people who have been through traumatic life experiences where their normal world view has been shifted, perhaps forever changed, and they have experienced enormous personal growth not long after the traumatic event. PTG is one of the last things I spoke to Jenn about. I fell down a research rabbit hole one day, and wanted her advice to see if she believed that post-heart surgery, if I had grown. She asked me several psychologist like questions, that made me simmer and think of the ways in which I grew post surgery. Embodying this moment again, I’m looking at using PTG as a form of healing, growing, and celebrating this short life.
My perspective on things have changed. I’m learning to put myself first, to build a stronger relationship with my creator, and then putting others last. The most challenging experience this year has been learning to trust the process. I’m trusting that life is unfolding as it should, and that it is a series of serendipitous events matched with synchronicity. The answers eventually come and through trusting the process, they start to appear.
I’ve become more confident in my decisions, in following my inner guidance and intuition. I’ve said goodbye to a few friends I thought would never leave my side, and have welcomed some new friends in — ones who I have learned so much from, and have shifted my perspective in ways I can not explain.
I’ve learned to listen, to my gut, to my heart, and to tell my mind to shut up. I’ve been able to call myself when I’ve fallen down the rabbit hole, and have been able to pull myself out of it, even when the rope is quite thin.
The light is appearing at the end of the tunnel.
I am embodying happiness and love, because the world needs more of it. I’m focused on smiling at strangers.
I try to listen to myself, to my friends, and to my creator. I’m building stronger foundations where the walls are made of clay, and some really beautiful Portuguese tile. I’ve rebuilt some wonderful friendships, and grown closer with a tribe that entered my world 15 years ago.
I’m stronger, happier, wiser, and all around a better version.
