I’ve been sitting in a gray space again. This space between light and dark, where things are fuzzy and unclear. The days have had ups and what seems like more downs. My heart is heavy and sad, and I’m a bit lost and certainly confused.
How did I get here? I lost myself in the whirlwind of love and partnership. Putting myself last and pushing aside the things that make me feel physically and mentally good, and well. Its no one's own fault except my own, yet I’ve hurt myself by doing so and have shut down. So here I am, sitting in the gray, trying to figure out how I get out of this and find a path back to myself.
I’m different now, after adding a few more life experiences under my belt. All opportunities where I’ve grown and certainly learned. Where I’ve people pleased and submitted my boundaries, only to be hurt and confused by doing so. Where my actions may have hurt others, and for that I am sorry and feel terrible. But most of all, I’m sad that I am here. Here in the gray, a little lost and searching for direction. I can’t see the forest through the trees.
The most beautiful part of this is that I loved, and I loved hard. I loved everything I could give, and I still do. And sometimes, love just isn’t enough, especially when there’s been a series of hurts and fractures. Can you repair the broken? Can you try? Are you willing? I don’t know right now, and that is ok. I’m…
