Where to begin?
My heart hurts, the beat in my chest feels slower, sad, heavy. It's reconciling its to-do list with its emergence of speedbumps (literally). It carries grief, sadness, happy times, mixed emotions, and the maze of my thoughts as it pumps through the day.
My relationship ended, abruptly, out of nowhere. Left field, blindsided. I replay every scene like a broken record skipping a song. Searching for a sign, for meaning.
My partner was starting to do the heavy work of bettering himself, of healing his deepest hurts, the grief and pain he carries. He was taking steps to improve himself, to be a better person, and show up better for himself. I saw it. I witnessed it. I was proud, I reiterated that.
I was pushed out. Left in the dust. A tumbleweed on a West Texas road.
The one person who encouraged and lifted him up. The one who held him accountable and saw the potential of his power as he tried.
Our patterns of behavior facilitate and exacerbate our limiting beliefs. If our comfort and familiarity are to run versus face, we fall right back into it. If it's too difficult to discuss the tough with friends or therapy, we fall back into the patterns that require us to be safe, to play small. We stunt our growth.
