Dear [Insert Your Name Here],
You’ve mentioned over the time I’ve known you that you have an intimacy problem, a fear of closeness due to childhood trauma and ongoing family wounds. But the truth is, is you don’t. You struggle with intimacy, vulnerability, and honesty, but you don’t have an intimacy problem. You have a problem with accountability.
See you push away anyone who holds you accountable. Who encourages you to be the best version of you, to empower and inspire you, to feel good about yourself. You can’t handle the potential risk of disappointing them, so instead you self-sabotage by excusing yourself from the accountability. You do this in your daily interactions, when asked common questions to build closeness you respond with a quip, a retort, or a tude. When eating right and working out for a week you start to feel really good, your ego and fear voice tells yourself “hey, you’ve got this” and then you go out for pizza and beer.
You self-sabotage due to your inability to build habitual accountability. You’ve seen this in your jobs both lost and gained, your friendships (who fights with friends in their 40s?), and your relationships; self-sabotaging the very best of things that come into your life only to push them away because you’re unwilling to do the work to be and do better.
